Why is this so? The reasons are complex, no doubt, but it's fair to say that when a person is talking, he or she is more in control than when he or she is "merely" listening. When a person listens, there is always a chance something undesirable will come out. So, over-talking is often an unconscious reflection of a lack of self-confidence. It can be overcome, however.

Quiz: Do you talk too much?
Try this little self-quiz.
1. Do you feel self-conscious when you request help from a subordinate or an order from a potential customer?
Yes No
2. Do you conduct quite a few sales calls or meetings with people--individually or in groups--in order to explain things?
Yes No
3. Do you have a limited knowledge of the personal interests, backgrounds, and ambitions of your potential customers or your people?
Yes No
4. Do you depend mostly on memory to keep track of what you see and are told--by potential customers or people who work for you?
Yes No
5. Do you force yourself to be an extrovert?
Yes No Sometimes
6. Do you get into arguments?
Yes No Sometimes
7. Are you "results oriented" when dealing with your subordinates or customers--potential or existing?
Yes No
8. Do you generally take at face value most of what people tell you?
Yes No

If you answered "Yes" to several (or more) of the questions, it is possible that you talk too much in your work. The remainder of this article is to help you explore the challenge, for the benefit of yourself as well as the other folks involved.

Comments on the Quiz questions
1. Self-consciousness when dealing with others is a common human occurrence. Much of your working life (and time in school) was spent as a subordinate, a junior. You are accustomed to receiving help and guidance from some authority figure. "They" were supposed to have all the answers. It is only natural that when you became responsible for getting results through others (e.g., obtaining cooperation or purchase orders), you came to feel that now that you are in the driver's seat, you should have answers. This outlook can prevent you from asking for input and cause you to talk too much as you sell or supervise. You keep on talking when you should be listening.
2. Meetings are an important part of business life; they can provide opportunities to communicate facts, policies, and ideas. However, you may be talking to much if you rely on meetings to spur performance without making sure you fully understand what's on the minds of those in attendance.
3. Personal interests drive most behavior, our own included. A major factor in getting agreement or cooperation from another is how she or he feels she or he will be affected personally, by assenting to your wishes. You could be talking too much when you are supervising or selling if you don't draw out and take into consideration the personal aspects present in most human interactions.
4. Memory is a wonderful thing, but it can be a significant limitation in dealing effectively with others. One, you can miss (forget) important information; two, you can discourage others from talking since they figure you won't be able to recall what they say anyway; and three, you skip one of the most visible ways to show interest in the other party or parties when you do not at least jot down key inputs provided by them.
5. Extroversion is thought to be central to being persuasive--whether you are a coach, cheerleader, news commentator, politician, or businessperson. The facts don't support this notion, however. Many public people and business owners are not extroverts. But if you think you should be because of the position you hold, then you may talk a lot to signal that you are an extravert so you fit the manager or salesperson stereotype.
6. Arguments sometime result when a person is more interested in showing he or she is right than in finding out the facts and feelings on all sides of the subject. Many of us get to positions of responsibility by solving problems on our own and by pushing our solutions as the only solutions. Consequently, we may have a habit of taking strong stands with others. Usually this includes talking a lot...when we should be asking questions and listening to arrive at the best, total solution, including buy-in by the other person.
7. Being results oriented is a worthy objective in most business settings. But having such an orientation can blind a person to the reality of a given situation. If you or I try to overwhelm others with, say, logic or emotion or some personal plea, our standard (one size fits all) approach could well fall on deaf ears. Arguments are seldom won with logic, for example, if the receiver is emotional about the subject at hand. And an emotional appeal will not carry the day (get the order) if the receiver is evaluating your proposition logically. A boss or sales person needs to speak on the frequency used by the listener. Questioning and listening effectively can ascertain that frequency.
8. Taking people at face value typically means you will talk more and probe less because you believe, literally, what you are told. So why dig deeper? But how truthful are people in a semi-adversary position such as when you are selling and they are buying? If you are a boss or a salesperson, people may tell you what they think you want to hear. Or they may tell you what they have been told to tell you, regardless of its real merit. If you react and respond to half-truths, your chances of getting to agreement are reduced.

So, what can be done to talk less, learn more, and enhance your effectiveness in your work? Consider, "Questioning & Listening to Persuade." coming up soon in Tahoetopia. Tune in.


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