Effective questioning is not a manipulative technique to bend others-potential customers or your people--to your way of thinking. Rather, such questioning is (should be) an honest attempt to find out what's on another person's mind. If you find out, you are much more able to shape your thoughts and proposals to fit the actual situation...and move toward agreement. Just piling on more words by talking often doesn't do the job in a way that stays done.

There's another good reason to ask good questions: You might learn something of value. The sun set some years ago on all-knowing managers and sales people. In most enterprises, the sun has risen on the notion that talent is wide spread in the working population. It's not only smart to tap into the talent, it's necessary if you are in a competitive business.

Types of Questions
To be an effective questioner, you need three kinds of questions in your arsenal, and you need to use them all. In a sense you are like a baseball pitcher. You need (at least) a fastball, curve, and slider if you are going to play well in the big league.

OPINION QUESTIONS
These are questions that cannot be answered by "yes" or "no." For example "May I have the purchase order?" is not an opinion question. Such yes-or-no questions tend to cut off oral exchanges.

Opinion questions are best for drawing out people, for encouraging them to think and talk to you. Barbara Walthers does a great job with opinion question in her TV interviews. So does Larry King. They are both masters at getting people to reveal their experiences and thoughts.

Here are some samples of the start of opinion questions:
--What do you think of...?
--How can we...?
--Who, in your opinion, can...?
--When is it likely you will...?
--Why do you feel...?
--What, in your experience, might we do to...?

REFLECTING QUESTIONS
These questions repeat back something that has been said or implied without agreeing or disagreeing with the content. It encourages the other person to keep talking. The more they talk, the more you may know.

Here are some samples:
--Do you mean that (repeat something you heard)...?
--Are you saying...?
--Then, as I understand it, you feel...?
--Am I correct in thinking that you would...?
--So you are suggesting...?

Reflecting questions do just that: They reflect back what has been heard. Then, the other person can a) expand on their thoughts, b) correct misconceptions, or c) at least see that you are paying attention to them, and this is a nice by-product anytime you are seeking agreement.

LEADING QUESTIONS
These questions lead the interchange forward, hopefully in the direction of a successful conclusion. Usually, they sound like statements and suggest or hint at an answer. They are meant to open the way for the other person to comment further and set the stage for a summary and, hopefully, agreement.

Samples:
--I suppose you have some ideas on how to get us through this impasse...
--It seems you and your boss are in synch that the black box could outperform the green one if the price was right...
--You think, then, that my proposal might work with a few modifications...
--So performance improvements are possible on the timetable we have discussed...


All three types of questions are to help you draw out information pertinent to the subject at hand. In many cases, the other person may not even know what she or he thinks until they have been asked! Then they often convert subjective impressions or feelings into objective statements that are now out in the open. In the open, they can be dealt with; hidden away, they cannot.

But just solid questioning isn't enough. Effective listening is the "rest of the story," as Paul Harvey said for decades on his national radio show.

How to Listen Well
The concept is simple: Listen with your Whole Self.

With your HEAD, listen precisely to what is actually said. Pay attention. Don't be formulating your next words as the other person is speaking. Wait. Use your ears to hear the words; use your eyes to watch your speaker. Don't miss a word. He or she may mean exactly what he or she is saying.

With your HEART, listen to what is not said. In effect, you need to listen "between the lines" with sympathy, empathy, or whatever else is required to get at the heart of matters. We all know that people-including ourselves-don't always say what we really mean, for conscious or unconscious reasons. If we don't get real information out on the table, we are dealing with unreality, which can be quite unproductive for all involved.

With your HANDS, listen by taking notes. Jot down key points to remember.

Sound like a far-out idea? Do you mind when people take notes about what you are saying? Chances are you don't, unless the subject is personal. Chances are, in fact, that when you see someone putting down what you are saying, you feel they are listening better...and you will tell them even more than otherwise. Note taking is part of listening.

With your BODY, listen by reacting physically. Lean forward, nod your head, use your eyes and eyebrows to show interest. By listening with your body, you communicate, in a non-verbal manner, the importance you place on the other person's thoughts.

And finally, with your VOICE, listen by asking questions, providing feedback, and...by being silent. By asking questions, you prompt the other person to give you additional information. In effect, you say, "I am hearing you," when you ask the three types of questions-Opinion, Reflecting, and Leading.

You also say, "I get you," when you feed back the speaker's thoughts in your own words. For example, you might say, "Sam, let me see if I understand what you're saying. You believe...." (This is essentially a reflecting-type question, purely to get confirmation of what you think you are hearing.)

What about silence? Try this. Close your eyes and sit quietly for a full ten seconds. Do this now. * * * * * * * * * *

That was ten seconds of silence. Because silence is a vacuum, someone in a conversation will unusually fill it-by speaking and, hopefully, providing additional information. Politely used, silence is an effective way to encourage the other person to speak. Don't be hesitant to wait the other person out...or even a group of people.
Many effective teachers use this tool to draw out thinking in their students.

In summary, questioning and listening is a fresh way to communicate with others in search of agreement.